You don't Deserve Retirement

Dear Baby Boomers,

You have turned the US into a shit hole and you don’t deserve to retire.

Alright, I don’t know if I can back that statement up with much, but I just read about $2 trillion reasons. The point of this post, if any, is to talk a little bit about the short history of retirement. Then I will talk a little bit about the short future it has as well. Enjoy Boomers!

The idea of retirement was dreamed up by some old white guy, somewhere in Europe early on in the industrial revolution. The theory went that, really old sick people probably shouldn’t work 16 hour days in factories anymore. Since their extended families likely no longer had a tie to the land and were no longer able to keep them busy sweeping the dirt floors – and other menial old people tasks – in their family huts society decided to give them a pension that barely kept them alive. Until they died. Over time these old people started to ask for more and more for their retirement. After all, they had a shit load of time on their hands.

Then the politicians got involved and really screwed things up. They figured out this great plan in which all working people would pay for really old people to live. No real reason for this, but it gave politicians an excellent means to sway voters. Remember, with all of that time on their hands, these old people have plenty of time between doctor appointments and funerals to attend political rallies. Now in America we have a whole bunch of old people that serve no real purpose other than someone to drink coffee and take up space at fast food restaurants – and they all cost money and don’t seem to be dying as quickly as they once did.

The problem is that there is not a significant enough economic surplus to keep them pumped full of drugs or keep those $5 birthday checks churning out. No one has the balls to tell them, and everyone seems to think that they will get to spend their golden years walking around aimlessly in malls on someone else’s dime.

Unfortunately, that isn’t going to happen. For the vast majority of America’s next generation to hit retirement age they will be struck by the realization that things just didn’t work out the way they planned. It will force a lot of us to live the way that most of the rest of the world lives – under one roof with several generations of a family.

This sucks royal balls…

Mike