A letter to me in 2001

Dear Mike,

I hope this letter finds you well. I appreciate that you sat down for a few minutes to read this. Don’t worry, your drugs and erowid.org aren’t going anywhere. I thought I would drop you a line to tell you about the next 8 years of the world generally and your life in particular. Don’t worry, I am not writing this to attempt to change you in any way, I just want you to know some stuff.

Me, in 2001, wearing my favorite pink shirt

Aside from the normal things that happen to most men as they age (your hair is falling out and your balls are sagging) I wanted to let you know that things are pretty much the same with you in 2009. The only bad news I have for you is that sometime around 2003 you will realize that you can’t afford all of those drugs you are doing – so enjoy them while the money is still around to be spent. You almost finished college, you met a woman and fell in love. You think about weird things like feminism and anarchy. You travel some and you finally buy a Honda, and it is awesome. Overall, life continues to treat you pretty well in spite of yourself. In 2003 you get your heart broken and decide to write a book. In 2004 you realize you are a terrible story teller and stop trying to write fiction. You get a cool job working the night shift at a gas station in Charleston SC and you were never happier. You try and fail to learn how to surf but blame it on your short board and the wimpy SC waves. You read books for a while but then you realize that they are about 5% information and 95% ego masturbation. You continue to masturbate regularly. You continue to be on the verge of something spectacular. You eat food from dumpsters, that is right, you eat junk. You meet some cool people and you really miss people that you knew for a long time and don’t see anymore. You try to reconnect and it is hit and miss. You start playing waaaaay too much poker. Your pink shirt breaks down from wear. Sorry about that one, but it happens.

Enough about you, I mean me, whatever. Later on in 2001 some terrorists crash planes into buildings in NYC and DC. People around you lose their fucking minds. You don’t lose your mind but you begin to pay attention to what is going on around you and realize that people are an utter disappointment. You get angry. You realize the people protesting the crazy people are pieces of shit and you stop. You get jaded. Oh, boy, do you get jaded. You become convinced that the attacks were possibly orchestrated by the government, and at the least either they knew about it or no one was doing their jobs. You become disinterested from who is or is not responsible. Hundreds of thousands of people die in a war. You become even less interested. In 2004, the crazy people or the voting machines elect Bush as president for 4 more years. You join the ACLU, then give up on them too. You do this with a lot of other groups. You become obsessed with the idea of peak oil and you read a lot about it. You even read a few books again, then remember that they suck ass. Oil prices start to go up – yes, you pay attention to oil prices – and you get excited thinking people will wake up. You get disappointed when they don’t. The economy starts to collapse and again you think people will start to change. Again they don’t, but this time you pretty much expect it.

Other things that will surprise you include the following:

1. The US elects a black guy from Chicago as president in 2008

2. You start to not like John McCain

3. George Bush gives you $600

4. Kmart files for bankruptcy

5. The Cubs win a world series

Ok, the last one is bullshit but I swear the rest are true.

But before all of this happens, you read this and you don’t believe a word of it. You don’t believe it because even though life itself is pretty much the same, all of these things don’t fit into the way you see the world right now.

boat drinks,

mike in Jan. 2009