I am a funny guy

Illinois tourism board ponders new direction

In light of the election of favorite son Barack Obama to President and the pending indictment of the second governor in a row, there are grumblings at Illinois’ state tourism authority to change course to attract new visitors. “We are looking at Illinois’ current events and the past for connections” Lee Alstap, board member of the Illinois tourism board and assistant curator at the Lincoln Presidential Library and Museum.

Although plans are still in their initial phases, the ITB and LPLM are working together to celebrate the changing nature of the state and its political sphere. “Here in Illinois, we have historically sent our black men to prison, and our white men to Washington” Mr. Alstap explains. “But now things seem to be changing, not in the penal system as a whole, but quite notably with our politicians. It is for this reason that we are tentatively calling a new program at the LPLM ‘Bizarro Illinois - whites to the jailhouse and blacks to the White House.’”

The plan at this point is to have interactive displays where youths can both learn about the campaign of the President-Elect and also listen in on archived wire taps of the present and former governors while they were under surveillance. “It seems like a strange combination, I know, but we are trying to capture the spirit of the moment” curator emeritus Gloria Smith said. “Initially, I was a little disturbed by playing up the two notable white people that Illinois will be sending to jail, but if thats what it takes to get an Obama exhibit in here, I am all for it.”

Not all Illinois residents have responded so reasonably. “I do not like the idea, and I resent that the ITB and LPLM would get involved in ongoing criminal investigations” embattled Governor Rod Blagojevich said on the speaker phone from his home in Chicago. “I am expecting some royalties from this shit at least, but all I am getting back from the ITB at this point is more fucking appreciation for my cooperation with the exhibit.” The governor went on to recite a poem by noted 20th century bathroom graffiti author Mr. Smelty T Deltit at which time this reporter hung up.

Mr. Obama’s staff was unable to comment beyond their blanket statement that there is “only one president at a time” and “neither the President-Elect nor his staff had taken part in any wrong-doing in the matter.”

Reporting from Bizarro-Illinois, Mike Mayberry